26th October 2025

21:09 | Mood: Content

Thursday was my last day on the strong cocodamol tablets, so I'm going to have a week of OTC cocodamol (8/500mg) to 'wean' me off the codeine slowly. So far, so good. But the constipation is a literal pain in the butt. TMI, but if anyone thinks I'm talking nonsense, it's most likely because I am literally full of shit
Toilet humour aside (lol), today has been a really good day for me:

Tasks completed:
• Washed the dishes
• Cleaned my water bottle (if you're reading this and can't remember the last time you washed yours, this is your sign to do it)
• vacuumed the floors
• folded and ironed clothes!!!! and didn't have to sit down during it!!! (did sit down for a little while afterwards though, but this is a HUGE thing for me)
• read for a bit, laid down; I'm currently reading 'Breasts and Eggs' by Mieko Kawakami. follow me on goodreads if you're there!
• repaired a pair of dungarees where the clasp had snapped off.
• sewed buttons onto a baby cardigan I've knit for my colleague
• roughly updated a biography section on a portfolio
• tracked my spends this week
• spent a little time repackaging photoshop resources for salvaged.nu
• made some tealgiht candles from left over wax from an old candle
• painted my nails!
• did a load of laundry
• did my physio for the day

I'm stoked. like, really amazed I was able to do all of this whilst listening to my body's pain level.

Tomorrow I need to schedule my physiotherapy appointment, and make a call regarding jury duty - bit concerned that being sat down for a long time might aggravate my sciatica. Not sure shuffling in a seat whilst a criminal trial is happening would be beneficial to anyone.

22nd October 2025

23:16 | Mood: glum

Pain is weird. Pain is humbling. Pain reminds me of what I can do, what I used to be able to do, and what I fear I won't be able to do in the future. It makes me catastrophize scenarios which tense me up, making the pain worse and sending me to urgent care at midnight to get a prescription of diazepam. Diazepam is weird.

It makes me worry. Sometimes it makes me happy. Sometimes I think about the previous week and realise that this current week feels better than the previous. But sometimes I sit at an odd angle when knitting and have to carefully hop back from the livingroom back to bed to lie down. Makes me worry that I've back tracked on progress, but after a full night's sleep and a trip to the bathroom pain free I feel 'fine'. Codeine is great. Amitriptyline helps. Senokot definitely helps.

Knitting is nice. I feel.. I just 'feel'. The future feels uncertain. Everything is just so weird right now.